Russ explains it simply in 'Pornography with Love'
From the viewpoint of the female situation, I think we sometimes see men’s sexual freedom as greater than it is, because it is in fact greater than our own.
If you see male freedom as absolute, or close to absolute, then male fantasies of sexual violence will look, in a sense, Worse than they are. We know that women don’t want to be raped; episodes in female fantasies that look like rapes really are something else, i.e., Will somebody, something, for heaven’s sake, enable me to act?
[Spoiler (click to open)]It sounds odd to say that men’s fantasies of rape have their roots in a desire to be overwhelmed and acted on, but I think this may be at least part of the truth. Women, after all, fantasize “rape” as the solution to issues of permission and forced passivity; why shouldn't men (who must deal with the issues of forced activity) use the other side of the same fantasy?
What frightens me is not those sleazies on my desk (in one of which a woman puts needles through a man's nipples). It‘s the mainstream American habit of substituting violence for sex and presenting the result as “real life“ and, even. Heaven help us!, “decency.”
Indeed, the way women and men are characterized in "normal" situations has longer lasting and more damaging consequences than any porn, culturally speaking. (The assumption is that this is porn filmed by and with adults, not a recording of people unwilling or unable to consent, which is not porn but rape).
The revenge porn website where victims are asked to pay to get their pictures taken OFF the website that has posted them with identifying information such as addresses is simply incitation to violence (against him, at the very least) and the guy who runs it needs to be soaked in oil and set on fire ASAP. Stealing something and then reselling it to its owner is just the summum of pathetic and it's clearly illegal.